Fragile Wing

Support for ritual abuse survivors

First of all I want to express my admiration for being brave enough to come here and read, because that means that you don't want to be alone anymore with everything you have been through. Maybe, slowly and carefully, you would like to come out of hiding, because you are NOT alone. Just being here takes a lot of courage. Please make sure you are as safe as you can be, when you read here.

My hope and prayer is that you will find some comfort and safety here and that you may know that you are not alone.

Maybe you still have many questions and maybe you feel really scared. I would like to encourage you to read the things that might help you find some recognition and hope. My prayer is that your loneliness and your fear will be lifted some and you will find some answers. If you have any questions or other things you need to share, you can e-mail us and we will respond to you directly through e-mail. May you be strengthened knowing that you are not alone in your experiences and that there are people who care and who believe you and want to support you in this painful process of recovery and dealing with what has been done to you.

There is a page with poems written by survivors and a page with artwork you can go see. Make sure you are safe before reading and looking. Maybe it is best if there is someone close by that can be there for you if needed. Note the trigger warnings.

More than anything I would like to say to you that our Lord Jesus Christ will always love you and will never reject you. Even if you feel you are bad, He accepts you and His love goes out to you. He does not ever think you are bad. He knows your suffering, He knows your deep pain and loneliness. He knows what they do and how they force you to do things. He knows how much you hurt inside and He wants to comfort you and heal you. Maybe the battle is still fierce and you feel alone and scared, frightened. There are no easy answers, but I can tell you that His everlasting arms are underneath you and He will never let you fall out of His care. He will always hold on to you, even if you feel you can't hold on anymore. He can....and One Day His love will conquer all fear and darkness. Never give up. You are very precious.

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Questions:

* How can I trust God?

Many survirors struggle with the question why God did not help them during the abuse. There are no easy answers to this question. It is something you will have to ask God and He does want to answer you. Survivors have shared with me that God gave them answers to this question and showed them things they did not know before. I do know and want to tell you that God always understands.....nomatter how you feel He always understands and He never judges you. He knows how important this question can be to you. When as a survivor you want to have a relationship with God and have taken that step to give your heart to Him, please know that you can always come to God with ALL your questions. He will never reject you. And if you have not taken that step yet, please know that He will never reject anyone who comes to Him. He wants to answer you though hearing and accepting His answers may take years of struggle. You can express your anger and distrust, even hostility, whatever you feel due to the abuse that has been done to you. To express those feelings coming out of your pain in His presence will help you face the memories that are underneath your anger and distrust toward God. Don't be afraid to be honest with Him about everything you feel. He accepts you just as you are. And in your relationship with Him answers will come to some of your questions and you can come to know Him as He is, worthy of your trust, full of love, comfort, grace and truth. Trust is something that takes time to grow, to trust in God as well as in safe people. It only grows very slow, because your trust has been tremendously damaged. Much healing is needed and a lot of deep fears have to be overcome to be able to trust even a little bit. But it can be done, if you give it an honest chance. If you give Him an honest chance to show you that He is worthy of your trust. Every new step starts with a choice. It is that way with living. You have to make a choice to live, even if you don't know how. It is that way with trust. Even when you are still so very afraid, you can make a choice to be willing to learn. And that is the first step......

* How could I forget the abuse?

On this web page you can find some information in answer to this question. So I won't go into the 'technical' side of it here, but I want you to know that it is not crazy or strange that you have/had no access to the memories of the abuse you suffered, or that you have DID. It means that you have suffered tremendously and that your suffering was so overwhelming that you had to get away from it in your mind in order to be able to survive.
Your mind has split off the trauma from your consciousness, so you could stay alive and go on living, but without the memories of the terrible abuse you continued to suffer. That is not crazy. YOU are not crazy. It was the only logical response to the abuse.
But you can learn to find yourself again, and get to know yourself again, even though this is a very painful process because it also means you will have to face what happened to you....But you are precious and worth knowing, and worth fighting for! I am glad that you are here and while I write this, I lift up every one of you who reads this, before God, so you may know His peace and comfort and grace, His acceptance and love for you. His heart......
And when your memories and your emotions start to surface, please know that there is hope for healing, in Him. Just one small step at a time.....Don't give up!

You are not alone. There are others who know what you are going through because they are going through the same things. And there are others who care about you. May God give you strength and courage and perseverance to keep going, and know that you are worth the fight.

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Lyrics

'I will be with you'

When the eyes of sorrow have found you, I will be with you
When its shadow falls around you,
I will be with you

I will be with you wherever you,
I will be with you though the world may leave a scar
It can never take you from my heart

When the waters rise above, I will be with you
I'll lift you higher with my love
I will be with you
(Julie Miller, from her cd Invisible girl)

'Nobody's child'

Stranded on the inside
fragile like a little child
all our hearts are orphaned by the fall
longing for affection
in a world of too much rejection
don't we feel invisible and small

I've known that emotion
Isolation like an ocean
Your heart will find its home
in these arms of love

Nobody's child, there is a place for you
where your abandoned heart can come home to
Nobody's child, a place where you belong
where you can rest your soul a while
a place where you can be a child

Come all you ragged and unshod
Come and be embraced and loved by God....

(Julie Miller, from her cd Invisible girl)

'When you come home'

My heart is beating
a million thoughts of love for you
and I am keeping a place for you
The rain reminds Me of your tears
I've saved in a bottle all these years
They'll all be diamonds for you here
when you come home

You are the treasure of My heart
You are the longing of My soul
I'll be waiting here
'till the angels bring you home

When you come home
I'm gonna run to you
hold you to My heart
the way I've wanted to

(Julie Miller, from her cd Invisible girl)

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Tear

With this tear we want to express our support to all children everywhere who are being abused and tortured. This tear is the symbol of their desperate and lonely tears when they cry in silence.

For more information: The teardrop project.

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