Dealing with trauma

What do we mean by dealing with trauma?
Spiritual battle
Programming
Alter personalities
Alter personalities and demons
Forgiveness??

Because of the intensity of their traumatic experiences, survivors of ritual abuse have made use of dissociation in order to survive. They have DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder) and that usually means that they have amnesia for the past, so they have no conscious memories of the abuse, but also are not able to remember certain periods of time in the present.
Still they suffer from very serious symptoms, physically as well as psychologically and emotionally.

Sooner or later, memories of the abuse start to surface into conscious memory. This can happen while the person is already in therapy for his or her symptoms, while not knowing what caused those, or the surfacing of the memories can be the reason for someone to seek therapy. The memories of the survivor have not been dealt with and cause enormous suffering. That is why it is important to start working through the memories of these traumatic experiences. This process of working through the memories, dealing with the trauma, will take years and so a lot of patience and perseverance is needed, both on the side of the survivor and on the side of the therapist. Dealing with trauma of this kind asks for a lot of courage, to face these memories and to not run away from them or turn away.

What does that mean: dealing with trauma?

In short it means facing the traumatic memories, accepting that they did happened, giving them a place in your life and learning to feel and express the emotions that go with the memories. Finding yourself again! And receiving comfort and consolation for and in your suffering.

When a memory surfaces into consciousness usually the survivor starts to relive the trauma, as if it were happening all over again, so real that at times they are not able anymore to discern between past and present. It is very important to be gentle with a survivor who is going through that and is having flashbacks. Talk softly and quietly, try to reassure the survivor and try to get them back in the present, let them know they are safe now, encourage them to open their eyes and see for themselves that they are not in the abuse situation anymore.

Abreactions and flashbacks are usually very frightening for the survivor and often other parts come out to tell their stories. It is very important to give them attention, try to connect with them, listen to them and give them recognition for what they have been through, as they often hold the trauma's. It is good and needed for them to talk about or express what happened to them. That way they can share it with the therapist/counselor and that helps them get out of their isolation.

In dealing with trauma, the following is very important:

• Facing the trauma and in doing so accepting that these things have happened to you. Accepting that your memories are true.
  
  
• Learning to feel and express your emotions. Survivors of ritual abuse often have a very hard time knowing what they feel or getting in touch with their emotions, as this could even be lifethreatening! They need time and help to be able to start facing what they feel. Due to the extensive amount of trauma there is a lot of pain, sadness, fear, anger etc. inside. These emotions were so overwhelming at the time of the trauma that the survivor started to dissociate. That is also why it is so frightening and scary for most survivors to start to feel again, because then all the pain surfaces. It is crucial that the emotions can be expressed, so the survivor is now allowed to get angry or cry or be afraid. Things they were never allowed to show....They grew up without the right to their emotions so it is important to give that back to them.
  In this whole process having a safe place is essential.
  
  
• When someone has taken the step to start dealing with his or her trauma, it is not necessary to start 'digging' for memories. That could even be very harmful, because it could be too frightening and things can come up that the person is not ready for. Usually the memories will come up by themselves, even though there probably is resistance to uncovering memories, to protect oneself. But as the person feels safer and safer, also with the therapist, resistance will come down and memories will start to come out en the different parts will start talking. This process can take a lot of time and patience. It can take a long time before the person trusts the therapist enough to start talking about memories and expressing emotions is even harder. They never had a reason before to trust anyone, they only know that people cannot be trusted.
  
  
• The survivor has to learn to discern between the past and the present.
  
  
• A very important issue is to help the survivor discover and develop their own will and freedom of choice. Survivors of ritual abuse usually do not feel that they have a free will of their own. That is their experience, that they have never had a choice, or only the illusion of choice, or the choice between two evils. Their choice and will has been taken from them. But the truth is....they do have a will and a choice now and it is necessary for them to discover that and learn to use it for their good. To become stronger it is necessary to strengthen and reinforce their own freedom of choice and use of their will. One can do so by respecting their choices and their will, because that has never happened before, and by practicing making decisions for themselves.
  
  
• Giving back responsibility to the survivor. This can be very hard, because a lot of survivors are afraid of responsibilities. They often have been damaged in the past by responsibilities that were way too heavy for their age. But it is a sign of respect to teach them that they alone are responsible for their own life and behavior in the present. Make it very clear though that survivors are NOT, in any way, responsible for what was done to them.
  
  
• Teaching survivors to deal with difficult situations instead of dissociate from them. Helping them learn to stay present and bit by bit face reality. Switching between parts will continue to happen, but that can also become a cooperation between parts for the good of the survivor.
  
  
• Teaching survivors to resist commands, programming, curses and selfdestructive behaviors. The person's own will is very important in this learning process. It is the goal that the survivor gets control over his or her own life and decisions. Commands to hurt oneself, or other commands or curses that were put on the person during the rituals, are usually very compelling and the survivor has to learn that he or she has a choice, also the choice not to listen to or obey the command. Often he or she will say: I HAVE to do it. I HAVE to! But the truth is, that if he or she does not want to do it, he or she does not have to at all. It can take a long time for a survivor to become free of these commands and programs en there can also be a spiritual struggle attached to it. But using our free will and choice in this struggle is also a weapon that God offers us.
  
  
• Selfdestructive behavior, like hurting yourself (cutting, burning etc.) or starving yourself, also comes from the overwhelming pain that survivors feel inside. Programming can also be involved here. It is very important to create and offer a safe place where the feelings can slowly but surely be expressed and felt, instead of the survivors taking it out on themselves. Often they feel they are evil or bad, because such bad things have happened to them, and also because they often have been forced to do bad things themselves during the abuse. These feelings of guilt can also cause survivors to hurt themselves. They have to know that the abuse was NOT their fault.
  
  
• Eating disorders and selfdestructive behaviors often have to do with the fear oflosing control. This is a deepseated fear in many survivors. Because of what they have been through, over which they had no control whatsoever, they have an excessive need for control. It is important to show survivors step by step that selfdestructive behaviors only give a false sense of control and security. Ultimately these behaviors have control over them instead of the other way around, and hurting yourself one way or the other, will eventually only lead to more pain, physically and also emotionally. Instead they need to learn how to get healthy control over their lives, by learning to deal with their memories and feelings.
  
  
• It is a very healing process when the traumatic memories can be faced in a safe environment, and the survivor can receive comfort and recognition for what they have been through. This way the survivor can regain control of the memories and the emotions that accompany them. It is very important to teach the survivor that they are not helpless anymore, like before, when this happened to them. This way memories can be processed because the survivor can now face the memory, feel and express their emotions in a safe place and receive comfort and recognition, as opposed to before, during the abuse. Once the memories and feelings start to come out, the survivor slowly becomes more open to new, good experiences and can slowly start to receive good things, like comfort, friendship and real love.
  
  
• These good things can now form a basis in the survivor's life. What is needed is a kind of trust that we call 'basic trust'. This basic trust is something that usually develops in a healthy relationship between a mother and her child, called attachment. In survivors this attachment usually never had a chance to develop or was destroyed, because one or both their parents were involved in the abuse and neglect. It can redevelop when a survivor can form an attachment to a safe person. So they need a safe person in their lives to be able to attach to in a healthy manner, so they can develop trust, in themselves, in others and in God.
  
  
• It can be necessary to pray for deliverance. And/or it can also be that the commands, programming and demonic states can be dealt with more and more by the survivor discovering their ability to make their own choices and decisions. And because the truth about what has happened to them comes to light, and the survivor faces their memories, there gradually is no room for darkness to stay. It always helps when memories and programming is brought to light. However difficult it is, it is always in the interest of the survivor to talk about the commands (programming) and memories. Commands often lose a lot of their power over the survivor if they tell someone else. That way it is brought to light and the survivor is no longer isolated in the struggle against those commands.
  
  
• A lot of survivors of ritual abuse suffer from depression. It can be helpful and good to have a daily routine. It can also sometimes be necessary to temporarily take medication for depression, anxiety and voices.
  
  
• As far as DID goes, it is important that the survivor:
  - gets to know the personality parts, listen to what they have to say, what they have been through. Takes them seriously and realise that the personality parts have helped them survive.
  - gives the personailty parts the right to be, so there is some room for them to do things that they like and help them heal.
  - helps the personality parts know with the hellp of a therapist that they live in the present, and that what happened to them is in the past (as far as it is in the past of course) so the personality parts can experience that there are also people in the world who will treat them well, and so they know that the things that have happened to them are memories, and are no longer happening.
  The survivor has to in time accept the different personality parts as belonging to the survivor. To realise that they are also that part. And what happened to that part, happened to themselves. This is usually a long and very painful process because it means breaking the barriers of dissociation. It means being confronted with the personailty parts and their memories and that means having to face that all these things happenend to you.
  

Obviously there is much more to dealing with such intense trauma. But it is not possible to write it all down here. There are some good books about the subject though, for those who would like to read more.

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Spiritual battle

Because of the spiritual aspect of satanic ritual abuse, we also have to pay attention to the reality of possible demonic influences in the life of the survivor. Often the survivor struggles spiritually because of the programming, for example to kill themselves once the memories start to surface, or because of the curses that were put on them, like for example that they will never belong anywhere, that no one will love them or believe them, that they are not allowed to live etc. The urge to give in to these things can be very strong, so strong that the survivor feels that they have no choice but to surrender to these commands and curses.

These commands and curses can be broken through prayer in the name of the Lord Jesus, and also here the power of choice is very important. Prayers to break curses and programming in concurrence with what the survivor chooses, can be done peacefully and together with the survivor. The survivor can also pray for this themselves, and take on this spiritual battle themselves in a safe place. This way the survivor learns to resist. This is also a process that can take time.

Survivors can also be controlled by demonic influences that have taken possesion of them during the ritual abuse that took place. It can happen that these demonic forces take control over the survivor.
In christian counselling it is possible to pray for deliverance from these demons through the power of the Lord Jesus. But at all times the survivor needs to be respected in their decisions. It is important to work with the survivor in obtaining freedom. Not force the survivor into any type of prayer or deliverance. Before ever praying for deliverance, it is important to know that the survivor has given their life to Jesus and is willing to participate in the prayer. Sometimes deliverance is necessary to open the door to the truth of the memories to surface. Prayer for deliverance has to be done in peace, so as not to scare the survivor, or trigger a reliving of memories. Prayer for deliverance can only be done if the survivor gives their permission, so they know what is going to happen, agree with that, and if possible can join in prayer. All of this can be a frightening experience for the survivor, therefore wisdom, peace, comfort and safety is necessary. Ultimately it is the Lord Jesus who delivers the survivor, and who helps them become free.

Every person is a beautiful and worthy creation of God and it is important for the survivor to know that once they have made a decision to give their life to Jesus, they are a child of God and satan does not have any right of ownership on their life.

Survivors of ritual abuse often have a great fear of Jesus and a resistance against God. They can have memories of someone impersonating Jesus participating in the abuse. Someone who was dressed up like Jesus who either joined in the abuse or approved it. It is also possible that someone impersonated Jesus and was too weak to save the child or help them. When a child gets this message, the child starts to perceive God as hostile or too weak to help them. When a survivor later in life meets God, which happens often, and chooses to accept Jesus as their Saviour, these memories can start to surface, and the survivor will notice a huge fear of God, or a resistance toward Jesus or they cannot trust Him at all. It is also possible that they have a lot of difficulty when they want to pray. The survivor can also get very angry with God. It is important to take all of this seriously. The roots for these emotions are in the abuse and in the messaged they received when they were still a child, during the abuse. It is important to allow for all these emoties to be expressed and to also bring to light the memories that they stem from. Then the survivor can also learn through the Bible, other people and their own relationship with God who He really is and that He never approves any kind of abuse.

It is possible that the main personality accepts Jesus as their Saviour but that inside there is division about this. Some of the personalities may be afraid of Him, others may be angry with Him. Other personality parts maybe are hostile toward Him, because they are still under the influence of the cult that abused them. It is important to give all the personalities enough time for them to see whether they can really trust Jesus. It is crucial to the healing process that each personality part make this choice for themselves, so there is no division about this any longer. But experience teaches us that once the main personality accepts Jesus, the rest will either sooner or later follow or they will have no objections anymore.

Often survivors have difficulty trusting God or they have struggle with questions concerning their faith in Him. This struggle has to be taken seriously. Respect the struggle of the survivor. There are no easy answers to the suffering that they have been through. It is a process for their faith to grow. It is good to know that we can ask God every question that we have, and we can express all our emotions to Him. He wants to show Himself the loving and comforting God, who does not judge us for our questions or emotions. Rather embrace us with all of that. Sometimes it can be necessary for a counsellor or therapist to show His love to survivors so their trust can grow and they can learn to develop a relationship with the Lord Jesus, once they start to see that He is trustworthy and stronger than all darkness.

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Programming

Many survivors of satanic ritual abuse have been programmed with all kinds of commands, for example to recruit others into the cult, or to come back to the cult once they try to escape, to kill themselves or others who are in their way, to go crazy. You can read more about this on the page: Ritual Abuse.
It is very important that the programming or commands come to light. A lot of the time this goes hand in hand with certain memories and once these memories come to light, there is a good chance that part of the programming will already lose its power over the survivor.
Commands and programming can also be connected to certain oaths and covenants that survivors have been forced to take or enter into. Once these come to light, it is important that these coventants be broken.

Deprogramming can be done by helping the survivor see that they do not have to remain under the influence of programming or commands. Through the power of Jesus and also through their own possibility of choice. They have to let go of the belief that programming or commands can tell them what to do and embrace the fact that they have a choice of their own and they are allowed to use it. The survivor needs to break all connections with the cult, and also be willing to let go of every 'advantage' the cult offered them, also spiritually and emotionally.
The lies that the survivor was forced to believe during the abuse and the destructive plans that have been spoken over their lives, need to be broken and opposed by the truth about the love of God for survivors and His plan for their lives. God has thoughts of peace and a hopeful future for them.

Alter personalities

It is good to know that:

• all alter personalities have been abused one way or another. There can be alter personalities that seem very strong, but none of them are without damage.
• all alter personalities once came into existence to help the person. They all came with a good intention, even if later on it seems that they turn on the person or seem to hurt the person. Their goal and task has always been to help and protect the person. Never make the mistake of treating them like an enemy, nomatter what their behavior is like.
• all alter personalities have a certain task or job, one that they took upon themselves or one that was given to them by the cult.
• all alter personalities have a will and choice of their own.
• all alter personalities need to be treated with respect.
• it is important that alter personalities also feel safe with the therapist or counsellor.
• alter personalities also need someone who wants to listen to them with an open heart and accepts them.
• alter personalities in a person who accepts Jesus into his or her life, need time and space to make their own personal choice in this matter.
• not all alter personalities are aware of the fact that they are (only) part of a (one) person. Some will have quite a resistance to that idea.
• alter personalities also long for a safe place where they can be who they are and receive peace and healing.

Alter personalities and demons

Here I would like to give some attention to the difference between alter personalities and demons, because I know this is often misunderstood. To be very clear: alter personalities are not demons! And therefore they can not be treated as such. It is damaging if they are.
An alter personality is a split off part of the person, developing from the inside. Every alter personality, whatever their memories or behaviour, belongs to the person, and is part of that person, a part of that one human spirit.
A demon on the other hand is an evil spirit serving satan and coming from outside the person to torment him or her. In the Bible demons are mentioned and in Luke 8 for example we can read about how Jesus delivers people from evil spirits.

For the survivor it is very important that the counsellor has discernment when it comes to alter personalities and demons. Spiritual insight and discernment is necessary. If there is doubt, it is better to treat all of it as part of the person, rather than the other way around, and pray that Jesus will bring darkness out to the light, and show you what you are dealing with. Usually survivors themselves also know and can discern very well between alter personalities and demons within themselves. They know for the most part what belongs with them and comes from inside, and what does not, and has entered from outside of them. It is essential to talk to the survivor about this and listen to them. Alter personalities can also tell you when a demon tries to impersonate a personality part, which also happens sometimes. It is important for the survivor to get to know their personality parts and also for the counsellor to be able to recognize when a personality part comes out.
Sometimes there is an alter personality who believs they are a demon. It is good to know that God always knows which is which, and that He wants to give us wisdom, insight and discernment, as we walk with the survivors. Never get into a discussion with demons, but always listen to the survivor.

Certain alter personalities can be under the influece of demons and praying for deliverance can be necessary. Often demons are attached to certain memories, and once the memories come to light and the survivor starts to face the truth about those memories, the demons will lose their power over those memories and deliverance happens spontaneously. The memories no longer stay hidden and that brings healing and freedom.

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Forgiveness??

I would like to say something, about the subject of forgiveness, because there are also a lot of misunderstandings surrounding forgiveness when it comes to survivors. A survivor can not be pushed or forced to forgive perpetrators. This has to be a choice of the survivor themselves when they are ready and willing to do so.
It would be very healing of course when a survivor can get to that point of letting go of the perpetrators and know that they will once have to bear responsibility before God for what they have done to the survivor. Also if on earth justice is not done, which is often the case unfortunately. God is perfect in justice so they will be held responsible. If a perpetrator ever is honest and acknowledges what they have done and repent, God is also gracious toward that person, as He is to all of us.

Forgiveness does not mean forgetting what has happened or pretending that it was alright. It was not. And it also does not mean making excuses for the perpetrator. God does not do that either.

Someone can only truly receive forgiveness when they acknowledge what they have done. And since most perpetrators never do that, all survivors can do is let them go into the hands of God, so the survivor can become free of those perpetrators and walk in freedom. Very often is it necessary that the survivor can first express the anger and other emotions they are feeling concerning the abuse and the perpetrators, before the survivor is ready to let go. Therefore it is important never to force the survivor but leave room for their anger and other emotions. It is not right or healing to use forgiveness as a means to suppress or deny memories and emotions.

Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation. If a survivor chooses to forgive a perpetrator, it does not mean that they are able to have contact with that person again, or that they would want to. Oftentimes it is also still dangerous for them to have contact with perpetrators when they are still active.

Forgiveness means that you can let go of the perpetrator(s) and surrender them into the hands of God Who will render a perfectly righteous judgement. It means to let go of revenge and leave the righteous jugdement to God.

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